


Eternity Born

by opalish



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Post-Banquet, Smitten Victor Nikiforov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 10:54:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11462121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/opalish/pseuds/opalish
Summary: Nothing satisfies him anymore, not his skating and not his role as Living Legend, but what else is there?(The answer, as it turns out, is: Katsuki Yuuri picking fights with teenagers and pole-dancing at a formal banquet.)





	Eternity Born

Victor doesn't think of himself as depressed. Simply...unfulfilled, uninspired. Only he can do anything about it, but he doesn't even know where to start: he continually surpasses himself, but he has the nagging feeling that something's falling away from his performances, that he's reached the extent of his ability to move his audience, to win their attention and their hearts.

There has to be more to him than this—he has to have more inside him than what he's shown the world so far. He won't be this hollow, echoing thing. He'll _become_ more.

But it's like he's grasping at wisps of smoke, portraying emotions and depths he only vaguely remembers feeling, hoping the audience doesn't notice that he's acting, not revealing. Hoping they'll mistake excellence for passion, smiles for happiness, careful words for communication.

Nothing satisfies him anymore, not his skating and not his role as Living Legend, but what else is there?

(The answer, as it turns out, is: Katsuki Yuuri picking fights with teenagers and pole-dancing at a formal banquet.)

 

* * *

 

He doesn't intend to find Yuuri again. Not when it becomes obvious Yuuri isn't trying to find him.

The banquet was...wonderful, an unexpected joy, something bright and shining. But Victor has a life, a role to play in it, a career he's devoted his entire self to for two decades. It makes no earthly sense to leave it all behind just to go looking for a man who once made him laugh.  It's too much, too much for something so momentary.

And then he sees the video.

It's not an exact rendition of his Stammo Vicino in all its technical glory, but it's... Yuuri brings something to the performance that Victor knows is lacking in his own, something more essential than quads and gold braiding. Yuuri offers up his heart to the audience, pours his feelings into every move he makes, every gesture, and it gives him an ownership of the program that Victor almost resents.

He's sensual and stunning and the bravest thing Victor's seen since—well, since the banquet.

Victor's never really thought of himself as a coward, but now he's wondering if this is part of his problem. If he's simply too mired in routine and expectation to feel, much less show, anything real.  How can someone gone stagnant hope to surprise anyone at all?

The banquet wasn't routine.

(Victor can't remember the last time he let himself go so completely—he ignored the officials, the sponsors, the other skaters, throwing himself into Yuuri's ridiculous pace with abandon. That night, with everyone watching in shock and mute horror, he and Chris and Yuri and Mila had the time of their lives.

He'll always remember Yuri losing himself long enough to grin, Mila cheering and laughing and taking picture after picture, and the music playing on, through and around them. 

And he knows he'll never forget Yuuri's eyes, fierce and sparkling as he danced, as he smiled, as he threw his arms around Victor and asked for him.)

The video isn't routine, either.

He doesn't think about it anymore, doesn't lie awake and _wonder_ , doesn't make another pointless list of pros and cons. He doesn't have to. There are any number of reasons to stay, but none of them outweigh the impulse to leave.

 

* * *

 

Yuuri says he only wants Victor to be himself.

Victor doesn't know how to say he's not entirely sure what that means, anymore.

Yuuri says he only wants Victor to believe in him, to stand at his side and have all the confidence Yuuri can't.

That, Victor can do.

**Author's Note:**

> title from the english translation of stammi vicino (look, it was either that or WAKE ME UP INSIDE)


End file.
